"There are precisely 53 reasons why I don't like French toast. The most obvious being my complete disdain for eggs. I don't care if they're soft-boiled, hard-boiled, fried, chopped up and put in a burrito, or served with caviar and a glass of Krug, presented on Jessica Biels stomach... I don't want any fucking eggs. Even the colour offends me, that sort of browny pink. The fact that they come out of a chickens ass has nothing to do with it, and to be completely honest, given the choice of eggs or chicken shit on toast... I'm going the shit. I don't know how I'd ever get in the situation of only being able to have those two options, but it's something worth thinking about. That is not a decision you want to make on the spot. "
By this point I could sense that the waitress no longer found me charming and attractive in a "I'd-sleep-with-you-but-would-stay-3-steps-in-front-of-you-if-we-ever-walked-down-the-street-just-in-case-we-saw-anybody-at-all', but was eying the forks on the table, wondering if she stabbed herself in the eye what colour the goo would be. Was I going to spend entirety of my breakfast discussing with her the 53 reasons I don't like French toast, or worse, did I intend to go over the amount of reasons I don't like everything else on the menu (There's an amazingly disgusting reason why I hate muesli with yogurt). Luckily for her, I had no intention of doing either. I had no interest in breakfast. I was a busy man. I was waiting for someone. I asked for a little coffee and she sped off.
Ok, I wasn't actually waiting for someone. But it makes it a lot easier to sit in a cafe by yourself if you're pretending you're waiting for someone. I'm constantly looking at my watch, checking my phone, looking out at the sidewalk and grumbling before going back to my newspaper. Then, once I've finished my coffee, I stand up, pay the bill (still with the grumble face on), and walk out in a huff. Then I go to a cafe around the corner and repeat the process. I really like coffee. I really like drinking coffee alone. I really like getting espressos, because I can pretend I have absolutely huge hands. And I know, that if I spend enough time going to all these cafes, I'll eventually find who I've been looking for over the last 4 years.
